July 24, 2011:

Ponderings of a Pilgrim PASTOR

“Lessons We Learn From Our Children”

A meat-eating mother recalled being confronted by her vegetarian daughter. The daughter had sent a book detailing the evils of killing animals for food. This was a conflict the two had had before and the mother was a bit annoyed about the daughter’s judgmental attitudes about her mother’s eating habits.

The mother called her daughter and told her, "Look, this is your issue, not mine." But at her daughter’s urging she read the book, particularly when she read the note her daughter had sent with it: "I love you and I don’t like the conflicts that sometimes arise about my eating habits. This book may help you understand where I’m coming from." The mother read the book and she and her daughter had a good discussion about it. The daughter’s goal was to help her parents live a more healthy life-style.

Such crusading is familiar to many parents. After all, young people can be passionate about causes. They see things in crystal clarity that may not be so clear to parents. Kids can be passionate about diet, politics, and religion. It’s a way for them to grow and test their own strength and power. This can also help establish their own sense of independence.

So what’s a parent to do?

1. Don’t be defensive, frightened or hurt that your child sees things differently than you do.
2. Don’t get angry or reject your children. Stay connected and realize you are building toward a healthy adult relationship with your children.
3. Do listen and show interest in your child’s point of view.
4. Ask questions not only about the issue but also why it is important to your child.
5. Share your own point of view. Let your child know it’s OK for the two of you to disagree some times.
6. Keep an open mind. Sometimes our children have good ideas and no one should be too old to grow.

As I pointed out in my message last Sunday, we sometimes have to decide whether we want to be right or in a relationship. A good relationship with our children really is the most important thing, isn’t it?

Love,
Pastor Dave