August 7, 2011:

Ponderings of a Pilgrim PASTOR

“How to Find a Good Wife”

"A good wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." Proverbs 31:10

Media and web sites are full of services promising us that they will match us with someone who is just right for us. I have no idea how much these matchmakers charge or the rate of their success. There was a time when such hired help wasn’t necessary. People met prospective partners through the help of family and friends, at school or church, perhaps, at work. While some do find a good match in these traditional ways, others do not. Meeting someone at a bar or club can be a risk.

I believe the challenge of finding someone gets more difficult as one grows older. I certainly found it so. I had been divorced for some years when I went to pastor a church in Sun City Center, Florida. It quickly became apparent that there were very few available or attractive (to me) women there. I assumed I would probably be unmarried for the rest of my life.

Then — quite by accident — I met Barbara. She was working as the hostess in the restaurant where my Kiwanis Club met each week. After some discreet iniquities to be sure she was single and unattached (!), I gathered up my courage and asked her to dinner. The rest — as they say — is history.

I believe Barbara would agree with me that we have a very good marriage. But sometimes we have wondered if any dating service would have matched us with one another? Probably not.

• She grew up in metropolitan New York; I in small-town Midwest.

• Our family backgrounds were very different as was our educational backgrounds.

• We were very different religiously. She was an inactive Roman Catholic; I was a Protestant clergyman. (Barbara hardly ever went to church; I was there every Sunday!)

• I am a first child; she is an only child. Who’s in charge here?!

And this isn’t the end of the list of our differences! But it seems to me that the problem isn’t "finding" the right person but "becoming" the right person. No two partners I have ever met are exactly the same. (Wouldn’t that be boring?!) The challenge is to love and respect one another so deeply that the differences become a source of strength, not a problem. In other words, each partner has to grow. Is that always easy? Of course, not. But if you can, the result is wonderful!

Love,
Pastor Dave