September 25, 2011:

Ponderings of a Pilgrim PASTOR

“A Difficult Moral Dilemma”

I don’t often agree with Pat Robertson, prominent evangelical and host of his television show, "The 700 Club," but his much-publicized suggestion that a man whose wife was far "gone" with Alzheimer’s should divorce her if he felt the need for new companionship seemed to show a "compassionate conservatism" not often seen. He made this response to a call from a man who asked how he should advise a "friend" (You know who the caller really was, don’t you?) whose wife was deep into dementia and no longer recognized him.

"His wife as he knew her is gone," the caller said, "and his ‘friend’ is "bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he’s started seeing another woman." Before I give Robertson’s response, let me say clearly I do not believe in a God who would cause such a terrible illness in anyone. God is a convenient target for those who have had some awful tragedy in their lives. I understand the psychology but reject the theology.

"This is a terribly hard thing," Robertson said, clearly struggling how to respond to such a wrenching situation. "Someone you have loved for many years is ‘gone.’ ‘I know it sounds cruel," he said, "but perhaps he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her." "Is this consistent with the wedding pledge of ‘til death us do part?" asked his co-host. Robertson noted that Alzheimer’s is a kind of death.

I agree with Robertson that this situation presents a very difficult ethical decision where no easy answer is possible. Some conservative evangelicals complained that Robertson was undermining the life-long commitment of marriage. Some experts in the field of Alzheimer’s understood the dilemma the man’s "friend" was facing, but pointed out that those suffering from the disease are not "dead and gone," but still tend to recognize those who have been close to them. Once the person is in custodial care, perhaps, other relationships might be appropriate.

Like all difficult moral and ethical choices we have to make, no easy answers are possible. What may seem right to one person will not be to another. The real problem is how compassionate we can be to those dealing with tragedy. They deserve our love and not our condemnation. What do you think?

Love,
Pastor Dave